Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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