Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
