How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
