This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
