Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and she was petting her beer can
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
