Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
