he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
