So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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