Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
