When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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