Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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