Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
