my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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