I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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