We're like a lot better than the average bears
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
