I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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