i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
