Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
