Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
