just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
