last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
id be glad to
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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