She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
