my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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