Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
