What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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