I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
