update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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