Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
