The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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