Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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