My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My life is pants optional.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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