yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
