theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
