I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
