Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
