come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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