it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
