You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
