Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
