Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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