Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
