Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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