Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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