wake up i wanna do it froggy style
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
