gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
