He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
