it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize