Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
