Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Houston, we have a blender
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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