people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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