You just made me feel so damn special
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
