working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
