Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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