You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
