His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
