I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
