You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
