Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
