i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You can't just leave with hair like that
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
