I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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