everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
