grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
