I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
