forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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