cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
